In my last Substack post, I wrote a bit about why I started doing a fanzine back in the 1990’s, and included an unpublished interview I did with the Gossip.
Since I am in heavy nostalgia mode for zinemaking, I decided to do a part two, and I’m sure there will be more in the future. My friend Ingrid has suggested digitizing them all, and I think I will embark on that project when I have some time. ZYZXX was a huge part of my life. I even have it tattooed on my body.
I have always been a fangirl, and still am. When music gets into my blood and moves me deeply, my first instinct is always to write about it and share it with other people. I have no problem gushing about it, worshiping it, obsessing over it, wearing it loud and proud. I am also a dork who writes fan letters. I actually have met a few lifelong pals through my fan letters. One of them is Lisa Papineau, an artist whose voice and artistry will live in my heart and soul forever. The other is my friend Johnny from the band Lava Diva, a band I got to tour with up and down the West Coast twice as their manager.
You should also know, this part of me is reserved for few people. I enjoy a lot of stuff, but few get my fangirl side. I am incapable of mustering it for stuff that feels mediocre to me. Which is why ZYZXX became a lifeline. Writing about music on demand because an editor assigned it to me felt painful. I would stare at a blank page forever and feel like the words would never come. ZYZXX gave me an outlet to write my heart.
I think one of the most important lessons I learned from making a zine was “it never hurts to ask.” Through zinemaking I found self worth and confidence. I began to value myself as a creative mind and writer. As a fangirl before, musicians and artists were objects of worship. Untouchable. Too cool for me. But I was hiding down there on the floor looking up at the stage. It was just much easier to obsess on someone else, than it was to put myself out there.
Publishing the first issue of ZYZXX shifted things. Doing band interviews and reviews alongside humor pieces I wrote and getting a response from readers changed the dynamic of where I saw myself in the creative community. I felt a sense of place in the community. I had something to contribute to this vibrant microcosm of music. I felt proud of what I was doing. DIY fed me. This experience of creating something entirely from the ground up and putting it out there was something I never imagined I could do. But I did.
And the best was, those “wouldn’t it be so cool if…” moments that pop into your mind when you are dreaming and brainstorming, the pipe dream ideas that seem impossible to reach, can often happen if you JUST ASK.
I had so many of these moments come to life on the pages of ZYZXX. I have republished one for you below. It was an email interview with Le Tigre in the last issue of my zine, published in 2001. It exists because I reached out and asked. I didn’t think they would respond, but they did.